Hey everyone,
Many have asked if I could share a few words about the Bonelem Cup, so here’s a little something, listen up. Back in the summer of 2025, when the scorching sun made even the coldest northerners break a sweat, the bone-rounded icon of invincibility rose once again, the Northern Bonelem Invitational Cup v2.0 TBBGEP.
For two days, battles raged across five battlefields while outside the grills were blazing and colorful cocktails stood in for the holy spirit of Hazlia. Where once only dice clattered, this time the clinking of ice mingled in, and more than one general fought not only against their opponents but also against the looming threat of heatstroke or the temptation of the next long drink. To kick things off in style, a cocktail was served at nine in the morning. Naturally, non-alcoholic.
I spent a long time thinking about what to play, and since I’m a nice person, I decided, in the spirit of Bonelem, not to bring either of the S-tier armies or any top-tier lists. I mean, just because Nauthi and Nicki are heading to Chios for the World Championship, doesn’t mean they’ll bring their Chios lists to practice at northern Germany’s toughest tournament… right?
After a lot of back and forth, I finally settled on a bunch of dinos. Until a few months ago, the W’adrhŭn Slinger were still way too strong. After the nerf, they are considered internationally as workable but some even call them overpriced. Even after all my games in the first quarter, I’m not completely convinced. Especially the increased point costs and the loss of Flank on the Prätator hit my old ITC list hard.
But, and this was the decisive thought, all participants still had a full-blown trauma from that list. So it was the perfect excuse to bring it back this year at the Bonelem Cup despite all the nerfs. The best part was almost the collective relief of my fellow players that I hadn’t brought Sorcerer Kings, who are still clearly above the other armies at the moment. Almost as enjoyable, however, were the blank stares when the flashbacks hit as I once again pushed the green wave across the table.
Green Tide [2000/2000]
The W'adrhŭn
== (Warlord) Chieftain [100]: Conquest
* Veterans (3) [170]:
* Slingers (3) [165]:
* Braves (3) [125]:
== Predator [130]: Death, Vision
* Hunting Pack (3) [120]:
* Slingers (3) [165]:
* Apex Predator (1) [190]:
* Hunting Pack (3) [120]:
== Predator [115]: Death, Hide of the Silent Hunter
* Hunting Pack (3) [120]:
* Braves (3) [125]:
* Slingers (3) [165]:
* Apex Predator (1) [190]:
I cut a unit of Veterans because, with the increased point costs, there simply wasn’t anything left for the Slingers. Instead, I added a third Hunting Pack. Especially (or precisely) because we were playing under the Bonelem Cup 2.0 special rules:
Everyone received two Bone Golems, which not only decorated the battlefield but could also generate victory points. Whoever slew them earned bonus points. On top of that, the Bonelems were even allowed to call duels! (You can find the full rules on the T³ tournament page.)
Game 1 – Nino with Old Dominion on Divide and Conquer
First up, none other than Sir Bonelems himself faced me, accompanied by his Ober-Archimandrite Supreme Bob.
For the Bonelem Cup, he had specially brought out his Old Dominion again—after all, Hazlia’s biggest holiday of the year deserves a proper celebration. Besides, rumor has it that Bonelems don’t quite fit into his City States Titan list. Maybe at most as a sidecar to the war chariot.
LookMa! No Praets! [1995/2000]
The Old Dominion
== (Warlord) Xhiliarch [160]: Sanctified Labaron, Calamitas, Blade of the Caelesor
* Legionnaires (3) [115]: Standard Bearer, Optio
* Athanatoi (3) [170]:
* Athanatoi (3) [170]:
* Athanatoi (3) [170]:
== Archimandrite [110]:
* Cultists (3) [90]:
* Moroi (3) [180]:
* Moroi (3) [180]:
* Legionnaires (3) [100]: Standard Bearer
== Hierodeacon [90]:
* Cultists (3) [90]:
* Buccephaloi (5) [370]:
Nino placed his two Bonelems in the Moroi, while I distributed mine: one in a Hunting Pack, the other in a Regiment of Braves.
Turn 1 started perfectly. I drew all my Lights, Nino only his chosen card. I positioned the Hunting Pack with the Bone Golem in the center, flanked it with a few Slingers, ready to unleash some havoc. Nino set up at the edge of his board, still remembering exactly what would happen if he so much as stepped a foot forward.
In round two, he brought in reinforcements: one Moroi, the second group of Cultists, one Athanatoi, plus his Legionaries with the Warlord. I, on the other hand, activated the Braves and Veterans with the Chieftain. Nino knew that at least two of my Slingers would neutralize him, so he stayed cautiously out of range while I scored points comfortably on my own.
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Turn three: the remaining troops moved onto the board. We played the tried and true “Alibi Activation” game. We deployed units, revealed character cards, and then he moved the first Athanatoi within Move Charge Clash range. Not ideal for me, since my Slingers would have to move too far forward to threaten them, giving him a better position. But I was greedy. I pushed my Slingers forward and hurled stones at the undead. Result: 10 damage on the regiment. Nino was quite happy because now nothing could shoot at the Legionaries with the Warlord if they advanced. Most of his forces were on the field, and only one Hunting Pack was far, far away. So he decided to set everything up for Supremacy on the flank.
On the left flank, his cows appeared, and one of my Hunting Packs attempted a charge on the 4 or 5. I was not too worried, because the Moroi were not positioned optimally and feared my Slingers more than was good for them. The charge succeeded, and I did a handful of damage to the first cow. Positively, the Moroi could now do nothing, and my Slingers on the flank also targeted the cows. Two cows died, and two damage carried over.
Then the last card came up: another Hunting Pack. “Why not one more time?” I thought. I saw the Legionaries. The charge seemed wasted, and I had to roll, of course, and since my dice can roll both high and low, I ended up with 16 hits. The Legionaries were obliterated. Xhiliarch Supremacy? Cancelled. Game status: Victory.
Nino stood there, completely in my firing range, unable to threaten anything. Classic clay pigeon shooting for beginners. Plus, a Hunting Pack in his ranks he had not seen, which a regiment of my choice could pick up. Unbeatable at that point, and once again, a victory thanks to my dice luck.
Game 2 – Morten with Nords on Melee
Next up, none other than the best player from Lübeck stood in my way. The terror of the Trave, the guardian of the Holstentor flank: Morten himself, with double Volva and, much worse, no prior trauma from the green wave. In the first quarter, he had masterfully managed to avoid my W’adrhŭn every time, but now it was time: the first time dinos faced Nords. His respect for the firepower of the Slingers? Minimal.
Kings and Queens [2000/2000]
== Volva [155]: Ty Jokull, the Rimeheart, Wealth of a Hundred Raids
* Raiders (4) [180]: Captain
* Raiders (3) [140]: Captain
* Raiders (3) [140]: Captain
== (Warlord) Volva [145]: Rjóða, the Red Bringer, Ancestors' Blessing
* Valkyries (6) [300]:
== Konungyr [140]: Figurehead of the Naglfar
* Steel-Chosen (3) [180]: Shield Biter
* Bow-Chosen (3) [190]:
* Bow-Chosen (3) [190]:
* Sea Jotnar (1) [240]:
Turn one gave both of us most of our Lights. We moved forward, and I distributed my Bonelems into a Hunting Pack and into the Slingers without a character, simply because they were there to score points. I spread out broadly, and Morten did the same.
Then came turn two and with it the first setback: Morten drew almost all the cards, and I could not neutralize him. The situation became more difficult. Still, I managed to make a statement on the left flank: a Stand Raider vanished under a hail of bullets, neatly removed from the influence of any Volva. At the same time, a Hunting Pack together with the Bonelem secured a large zone for me.
On the right flank, he pushed Raiders into the zone, and I countered with my Veterans, very carefully, just a toe in the zone, enough to contest it. Also because from the side, I simply could not get more Stands into the zone. Points flowed, and I was ahead. In turn three, my Veterans politely pulled back a bit and formed a wider line, because a block of Valkyren had dangerously pushed onto the flank, and I was not keen on being beaten up by muscle girls.
Morten completely avoided the left flank. No surprise, my Hunting Pack with the Bonelem and the Slingers were waiting there. The Raiders even pulled back a little. But a small mistake crept in: he overlooked that my Slingers could also shoot at his Bow Chosen. Two Stands obediently went home as a result.
He deployed the rest to the right flank, so I did the same. From there on, I just had to sit out the game. On the left, I treated the enemy regiments as pure Slinger fodder, and on the right, I held the point advantage. The pressure was now on him: he had to act, I just had to wait.
So followed the inevitable “stupid charges.” I always kept enough distance, let him run into nothing, and slowly turned the screw of attrition. All of this was aided by a true blessing of Hazlia: the Slingers hit every action as if guided by a hand of bones. Regardless of Aim or Opportunist, there were always 11 hits plus Prädator. The Nord healing? It had no chance against this dice miracle.
Thus ended the first encounter between Morten and my dinos, and perhaps here began his first, small trauma.
Game 3 – Nauth with Nords on Breakout
In game three, I got to face none other than the German hope for Chios: the one and only, the magnificent Nauthi. Officially the property of the Poodle.
Nauthi is always dangerous. And he is always suspiciously happy when playing against me. Almost as if he had taken something beforehand. If you remember: in the last game, my Slingers always scored exactly 11 hits regardless of any factors. I continued that here. Even when a regiment had already lost a Stand and could only fire 11 shots = 11 hits. Scientifically impossible, bonelem-like but consistent.
Örf, Oink Twang - Part II: Chesthair Boogaloo [2000/2000]
== Konungyr [120]:
* Bow-Chosen (3) [190]:
* Bow-Chosen (3) [190]:
* Steel-Chosen (3) [180]: Shield Biter
* Sea Jotnar (1) [240]:
== Vargyr Lord [135]: Massive Frame
* Fenr Beastpack (3) [140]:
* Fenr Beastpack (3) [140]:
* Goltr Beastpack (3) [160]:
* Werewargs (3) [160]:
== (Warlord) Volva [125]: Ty Jokull, the Rimeheart
* Raiders (5) [220]: Captain
It didn’t start well at all. My reinforcements in turn one: only three regiments, and one of them even had Flank. So I decided to place everything in the center and start by shooting at the objective marker in turn two. Free shots at his regiments? Nauthi would not grant me those. Two particularly nasty forests on his side of the board didn’t help either. That’s where he hid Bow Chosen and all sorts of creatures. Strange noises came from the forests too, definitely not kid-friendly. I demand fewer forests on German tables!
Turn two went even worse: barely any reinforcements for me, almost everything for Nauthi. On the right, I placed Veterans against his Raiders, supported by Steel Chosen. On the left, my Hunting Packs advanced while he placed Werwargs, pigs, and Bow Chosen there. I sent in more Slingers and Hunting Packs, letting him score a few points, but at least I secured a marker.
Turn three finally brought the rest of my forces. I stood far enough away that nothing could happen and opened fire. Bow Chosen in the forest? One Stand fell, only to return immediately via the Volva. Classic. Then the Werwargs advanced slightly but were instantly turned into bone dust by Slingers and a Hunting Pack. I took the center without consequences, even though I hadn’t scored a zone yet. Both Apex units were ready, and now things were about to get serious. On the right, his big block continued, flanked by Steel Chosen and a protective river. On the left, the Sea Jotnar rolled in. But I stayed calm; the Slingers would take care of it, and we still had a few turns left.
Turn four began with a scare: Nauthi attempted a charge on my Slingers using Fluid Formation, two wide. I hadn’t planned for that at all. But Fortuna was on my side, and the charge failed. Instead, I sent Braves into his lines, removed his nasty dogs, lost the Braves to the second set of dogs, and then eliminated those dogs with Slingers and a loyal Hunting Pack. Since I already had a card advantage, I was very happy with that exchange.
In the center, his pigs took the objective. My two Apex units reacted unfazed: “Charges on a 6? No problem, we’ve got re-rolls.” The pigs almost completely disintegrated. Nauthi’s expression? Priceless.
In the next turn, I started and, incidentally, took out the Sea Jotnar. From then on, I held two zones every turn and dominated the battlefield. Statistics? That’s for beginners. Dice do dice things, and just like all day long, they worked in my favor. Seriously, what happened on the first day was almost ridiculously good. I would be ashamed, but I had brought something nice with me, so I felt pretty good.
The day ended with an appropriate barbecue.
Game 4 – Nicki with Yoroni on Divide and Conquer
Second day, first thing: breakfast together again.
After breakfast, the moment had come. The moment I got to face the “Lighthouse of the German Conquest community,” or something like that—Nauthi had given him the title beforehand, but I forgot the exact wording. Anyway: Nicki. With his damn Spire.
And how much I loathe those Spire! Disgusting aliens with pointy ears. Basically elves, just with worse characters and more unfair rules. I was prepared for my daily dose of Spire-hate.
Then came the shock: a quick glance at his army, and there were not the expected Spire, but Yoroni. That damn Argentinian exiled Bavarian! Comes to a friendly, brutal tournament, brings the imba faction, and mercilessly wipes everyone off the table. At that moment I thought: if only I had brought the fair Sorcerer Kings…
And honestly: fluff-wise, the Yoroni have nothing at all to do with the Spire! How am I supposed to indulge my carefully nurtured, lovingly built-up Spire-hate when he isn’t even playing Spire? Luckily, the only logical explanation came to me: the Yoroni are probably just Spire forced into Yoroni-avatar suits. So it was clear: I could still insult him for his Spire. Excellent. Moral victory: mine.
Of course, Nicki knew exactly what awaited him. He had faced my Triple-Slinger list multiple times, and the week before, we had fought half a dozen Chios practice battles. So it wasn’t exactly the best starting point for me. But anyway, first his army list:
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my Kami. Prepare to die. [2000/2000]
Yoroni
== Jorogumo Mahotsu [300]:
== (Warlord) Kitsune Bakasu [135]: Trial of hakari-ishi
* Domaru-damashi (3) [140]:
* Domaru-damashi (3) [140]:
* Modular Regiment (2) [160]: Tengu Ayakashi (L), Tengu Ayakashi
* Modular Regiment (5) [375]: Kami Ayakashi (L), Kami Ayakashi (2), Kappa Bushi, Origami Warriors
== Daimyo [110]: Chi
* Modular Regiment (2) [160]: Tengu Ayakashi (L), Tengu Ayakashi
* Modular Regiment (2) [150]: Tengu Bushi (L), Tengu Bushi
* Modular Regiment (2) [150]: Tengu Bushi (L), Tengu Bushi
* Modular Regiment (3) [180]: Origami Warriors (L), Origami Warriors (2)
If there’s one thing sacred to me, it’s this: in every game I win or lose, the indestructible Kami block must die. That was my personal ritual, my little offering to the dice gods, and I had managed it in almost every test game, though back then I was using different lists.
So, turn one. A Hunting Pack goes to each flank, and Nicki places Domaru and his Origami clowns with Daimyo on the right flank. Then comes what every Spire player calls “strategy”: he just charges straight forward, relying on Tenacious 2 to save him. I position all my Slingers plus the third Hunting Pack opposite and send a greeting to Fortuna that I may once again score 11 hits per action.
Nicki got his big block and nothing else. Fair enough, I only had the Veterans. Nicki let me start, and the first Slingers shot at the Domaru: six hits plus four from the Predator. Well, that was probably the end of the 11-hit average. Really a shame.
Then Fortuna: “Oh, sorry, I just went to grab a coffee. What’ll it be, dear?” Nicki failed every single save and then rolled four sixes in defense against the Predator. Fortuna, forgive me for doubting you briefly!
After some consideration, Nicki placed his big block on the left flank, far away from my Slinger mass. Contrary to my original plan, I moved the Veterans to the right. A building separated us, and maybe I could actually win on the right flank if I overran it while the left was held long enough by Apex Bob and Apex Skullhead Greymon, provided they showed up next turn.
But first, I got to shoot at Origami, and two Stands fell to Slinger fire, breaking Nicki’s morale. Not because I hit spectacularly, but because he had brought out his 40k dice. Newsflash: wrong game system.
Turn three: my reinforcements flooded the field like a horde of hungry Bonelems at a buffet. Everything came in, while Nicki only brought in birds.
I shot the half-dead Domaru and moved forward myself. I was confident he wouldn’t set anything up there anyway, two Hunting Packs and two Slingers were just waiting for him to step onto the board. Sure enough, Nicki deployed everything on the other flank.
There stood my lone Hunting Pack. Far enough from the big, nasty Kami block, but close enough to hold it cautiously. I moved my Braves and both Apex units into counter range late. The plan: hold that side as long as possible. With the building in the middle, his block couldn’t easily cross over.
Instead of continuing to shoot at the Origami (which now had D4 and healing thanks to Spider), I focused fire on the marker and sent in another Hunting Pack. This put me in the lead, and the path to the Spider was clear.
Turn four: the Origami attempt a tired flank attack to take out my Hunting Pack. Nicki’s dice are still in 40k mode: two damage. Two! My Slingers shrug, and then the paper warriors, Spider, and hope alike explode in an inferno of stones and melodic W’adrhŭn chants. I secure two zones, score bonus points from the Bonelem, and Nicki’s dice go straight into the bin. Another clean, fast, and very lucky neck snap.
Game 5 – Uziel with Dweghom on Off Balance
The last game and I got to face Schatzi-mon. Due to the new Lost he had brought out Dweghom again. I had quickly slapped some paint on them over the past two evenings and had not played against his Dweghom in a long time or even Conquest at all. Lately we mostly play other systems at home because the Dweghom update really annoys him. But at least he happily paints his yellow fun Marines.
Dweghom | Last Hurray [1995/2000]
== (Warlord) Hold Raegh [100]:
* Hold Ballistae (3) [140]:
* Hold Ballistae (3) [140]:
* Hold Thanes (5) [330]: Herald of Stone
== Ardent Kerawegh [90]:
* Flame Berserkers (3) [160]:
* Flame Berserkers (3) [160]:
* Magmaforged (3) [190]:
* Magmaforged (3) [190]:
== Lost Ancestor [155]: Memory of Breath, Focused
* Lost (3) [170]:
* Lost (3) [170]:
Turn one started… well, abysmally. On both sides, there were only two regiments each. Far too few to maintain control. I could not really threaten his Berserkers on one flank, and his damn reinforcement line was already pushed forward. Note: with Dweghom it does not come back. The Thanes block can march broadly across the battlefield, but so can everything else.
Turn two: almost nothing for me, but both Lost for Uziel. By the end of turn two, he had both zones, and on the right flank there were double Lost plus a Ballista. On my side? Double Slinger and a lone Hunting Pack. On the other flank, the Berserkers with Ardent, facing my brave Braves. I look, nod, and think: fantastic, this will be a walk in the hellfire.
Then turn three for both sides brings everything. I shoot, zero damage to the Lost. Fire and advance. He activates and places one regiment of Magmaforged on each flank in front of me. Fantastic. No option to kill those guys properly, so I am relying on the initiative roll in turn four. The Thanes march left, my Veterans position opposite, epic tension, Bonelem voice whispers: Hazlia wants it this way.
Uziel begins: one Hunting Pack dies to Magmaforged, my other Hunting Pack causes 3 damage to the other Magmaforged and dies in return. Cruel. At least I get it because an Apex escalates into the flank. The other Magmaforged is charged by Slingers so the Slingers do not get in my way. But the Dweghom keep marching, scoring points while I am still looking for options. When a few Ballista appear over the flank, I decide to try a charge with the Skullhead Greymon Apex. It devours them with Impacts and Clash. Unexpected, but spot on. Now I am in charge range of the Lost, but they are also in range for me. At least I have the advantage for next turn.
Uziel begins again: but not with the Lost, he believes they will survive my Apex. And he wants to kill the Braves so the Thanes can advance. The Braves stand bravely, sticks in hand, and withstand the Berserker assault. Then Skullhead Greymon: charge, impacts, clash, resolve equals 26 wounds, and no line of sight from the second Lost on him. Epic Bonelem moment.
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Activations continue. My Braves with a few Slingers kill the Berserkers with Ardent in front of them and Uziel is running out of cards way too fast, even though it looked so good. For the last activation, it is time again for the stupid charge on a 5 to catch the Thanes: 21 attacks, Flurry, Clash 4, Deadly. If I had messed it up, Braves and Veterans would have been broken, but I am standing behind the Braves, so I can try again next turn. Low roll? Not today. Charge succeeds, two Stands of Thanes fall thanks to Deadly.
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Next turn: I start, take the rest of the Dweghom army, Skullhead Greymon grins, Bonelem cheers, Fortuna nods approvingly, and Uziel can watch the points explode.
And so another chapter of the legendary Bonelem saga closes. Two days full of sweat, strategy, and cocktails. Hazlia herself nodded and found me Bonelem-worthy. In the end, I stood on the podium: Champion of the Northern Bonelem Invitational Cup v2.0. My Bonelem was mighty, my army green, and the Bonelem had tiny muscles.
Honestly, what happened at the event was sometimes really absurd and of course had nothing to do with my positioning or other factors. Simply put, it was good dice rolls in the form of 11 out of 16 on the three.
